So here is how we do it. Don’t ask questions, don’t say a
word. Just listen to me. You are so good at that. You are the best at that.
This is what we do. We take my car. It isn’t a fancy car. It’s a tiny little
turtle, in danger of being upended by a strong gust of wind. But its mine and
by that extension, it is yours. So we’ll take our car. Throw our backpacks in
the backseat, gun the sweet little engine, hook up the iPod to the aux and take
off.
Let’s drive off. Remember, we agreed on the no cell phones
rule. Once we get where we are going, we won’t be able to use them anyway. That
sounds downright wonderful, doesn’t it? Let’s swallow up miles and roads and
worlds and be born again. Let’s start climbing. I am not quite comfortable with
mountain driving, but we’ll figure it out together. Fuck this car, WHY IS IT
REVERSING, SHIT SHIT SHIT.
Phew. All good now. That was fun, wasn’t it? It was, I can
see it in the sardonic roll of your eyes. I could read epics in the sardonic
roll of your eyes. I have about 10 seconds before you break and we both are
laughing hysterically because we survived that insanity and we have survived so
much insanity and sure we weren’t born into rampant poverty and insane odds,
but we were born into our brand of struggles and we survived it all and damn
this sentence is long.
It smells better up here. It smells like home. I have never
loved anything like I love the mountain pines. And unlike everyone else, you’ll
let me roll down the car window and you might complain about the cold, but you’ll
let me do it because you always let me do stupid stuff because you know the
exact limits of me. Gosh darn, we had forgotten what the stars look like so far
up, hadn’t we. They are shiny and clear and so, so, so pretty. We park the car
at a side and get out and lean back on it and stare and stare and no one can
tell us we shouldn’t. Finally some benefits to this ‘grown up’ thing. I was
beginning to think there weren’t any. You smile at me and I know you are going
to make some asinine yet insightful comment about love. I babble something and
drown you out. I don’t want to hear about love. It is what it is, what is the
point of talking about love? You let me drown you out, but your eyes are
knowing and I can’t face the love they give over. We both are running away. I
want us to run away. If I had my way, I would never stop running. Never ever.
But you won’t let me. You allow me insanity, stupidity,
arrogance, cruelty and so much more. But you don’t allow me cowardice. So fine.
Let’s run away for a little bit. The world below, the insignificant world below
us with all those insignificant people doesn’t mean a thing, since you are here
with me. But I suppose I will feel differently when we drop down again. Man,
don’t you hate the crashes after a particularly good high? No, I am not smoking
up, you idiot, why would I smoke up here of all the places? Let’s not think
about the crash just yet. I am good at denial, let me teach you.
Let’s us talk about all the things we are not talking about.
You love him, I know you do. I know he loves you. But sometimes that isn’t
enough. And things get messed up. We are so young, so very young – how on earth
do things get so messed up? As for me, you know all about me. I am a wanderer
and an only child and I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone but you. Well, I
suppose I have and I will, but I don’t think anyone will love me you like you
do. I am scared, god damn it. I have never met anyone as deserving of my love
as you and that is probably all kinds of unhealthy, but who cares about
healthy. I am fucked over in the health lottery either way.
Happy now? We talked about love and we talked about how I
run away from myself and how I am so good at it. And this time, I am taking you
with me. Because you far too good for this world and I won’t say you are far
too good for me but I will say you could have done better on the best friend
lottery. So the least I can do is take you with me when I run away.
I wonder when we’ll hit high enough to make it snow?
Remember the last time we saw snow together? It was glorious and the snow was
better because it made you so happy. I have liked the snow more than ever since
then. This could be a typical besties on the road movie. We certainly have the
right playlist for it. So let’s sing (more like scream) till there is no air
left to scream anymore and we have shattered the total peace of this landscape.
There are mountains on every side and a long road ahead of us and we are
running away.
It’s good to be alive, Chauhan and it is good to be alive
with you. Look at the stars, look at the mountains. Look at the road. I have
heard it goes ever on. You coming?
